54. ADVENTURE

 

I started getting involved with music in May 2028 and this happened within the boundaries of my wanting to make an old dream come true. I didn't compose my own music, but I covered an album, working with Johanna, our new vocalist. When I was a child and I had just discovered Celtic music, I'd just found out about a record with Welsh songs, which also included the very first song I ever sang on the Celtic festival: Y Ddau Farch. Since then I have had a very distant dream to cover this album, using musicians from my own background and not the band. This dream of mine existed much before the band was formed, however, I'd known Bryan since then, so I was thinking I'd definitely work with him too. The whole situation fitted perfectly to me now, because I had met more people, who were playing Celtic music and I was sure they would agree with my idea.

The two first people I thought about were Johanna and Bryan. So, one fine morning I called Johanna.

"Hello, it's Johanna", she said half-awake.

"What do you think about the idea of me and you covering an album with Welsh songs?", I said abruptly, without even saying good morning.

"Err...I think it goes well with me...but what do you exactly mean?"

I cracked up and said: "Fine, when you're totally awake and have a coffee, call me back".

Finally, Johanna called me fifteen minutes later and said to me: "What were you exactly telling me about Welsh songs? I didn't catch a single thing".

"Listen", I replied. "When I was a kid, I had an all-time dream to cover a specific record with Welsh songs. Would you like to participate in that project of mine?"

"You mean sing?"

"And play the guitar as well".

"Of course", she answered. "I'm not sure I've ever listened to that album, but Welsh songs, this sounds...WOW!"

I smiled. "This is gonna be an unforgetful experience".

Of course, it would be. I would bring everybody here in Australia and whenever we weren't recording we would take the day off to journeys all around Australia and the islands.

"And do you intend to get more people involved in that?"

"For sure. Bryan is surely going to be in. We also need Nancy in the pipes and I'll probably need musicians from Yorkshire. I'll ask Bryan whether he can call some of them from Blakey Ridge".

And this is what happened. Bryan found my idea wonderful and he instantly rushed to call musicians, most of which I already knew. They were common friends of both of us who were playing music mostly at the Blakey Ridge but also at the Celtic festival in Ireland. I spent the whole summer, 2028, adapting the songs in Musescore 3, so that I could divide the parts in which every musician would play. The way I was working on was exactly the same as the one I was working on when composing symphonic music. Only that instead of symphonic instruments I'd use traditional ones.

An additional member of my project would be Shonna, Bryan's partner. I haven't spoken about Shonna so far, however, I'll make a long reference to her. Most people think I'm so bonded to Raglan Hundred, only because I've got a family with them. What most people are unaware of, is the fact that I have friendly relations with the rest of the guys. Indeed Shonna is the last person I became friends with before 2021 and we are still besties. It's true that I got to know Raglan Hundred through Vivian and Bryan, but there's a gap in the whole story. Most people think I got to know them in 2022 or 2023 after I'd moved back to Norway. However, this is how the whole story goes. In 2021 I'd seen Raglan Hundred live at the Blakey Ridge when their vocalist was still Lisa Harrington. Shonna was just 20 years old and had just joined the band as a backing vocalist. Lisa was the main vocalist, not Shonna. Bryan hadn't met Shonna yet. Sometime later, when I was in a terrible state at the hospital, Vivian visited me bringing Ingmar along. That beautiful day Ingmar and I met for the first time.

Shonna and I met each other in a completely unexpected way. I think it was during some exhibition in Yorkshire, which she had attended too. I recognised her because she has that distinctive red hair colour -- the same shade I wanted for years for myself and which I could never get right. And I told her, therefore this is how we got into contact. I told her that every time I see red-haired women, my heart is broken because I have always wanted to become like them too. And as I said, I instantly recognised her because I had watched a live show of the band and her voice had impressed me so much. Shonna had one of the purest and most beautiful voices I had ever listened to and it seemed so bizarre to me that Bryan hadn't ever listened to her before.

Shonna and I got along very well with each other right from the beginning, but I was so scared to approach her because I had had all these traumatic experiences with my so-called girl friends. However, Shonna was different. She wasn't a blonde wishy-washy chick. She was an innocent redhead and she was such a ... child. She was so young back then. At some point, we discussed the fact that most of my friends in Ireland were rats and she replied to me the same about her friends in the UK. That's why I started to care about her and I wanted to protect her from the poison. Exactly because I had always been so innocent and had nobody around to protect me, I wanted myself to protect this good-hearted creature.

After that, I introduced Shonna to my friends too and they were so willing to accept her in the company. And through me, she met Bryan as "Raglan Hundred's second vocalist". Bryan was impressed by her voice and by...well, by her red hair, of course...and by her as a person. And the rest is history.

To come back to my main point, Shonna was going to be one of the first people who would work with me on this project. In September, when the transcription was over, we went to the studio. I think these were the best sessions we'd ever had. The guys stayed in Australia for almost two months and whenever we took a day off, we'd go on excursions. We'd take long drives in Ocean Road. And because December was close, it was summer in Australia, so we could go for a swim.

Our excursions didn't always have a happy end. I remember some point when we were at the beach close to Melbourne and we decided to do some sea sport. When my time came, I decided to ride a jet ski. However, it is common knowledge that my body balance totally sucks. The jet dragged me so powerfully that I lost my balance and landed on the water as if I were a bag of potatoes. The issue, though, was that I fell on my back and hurt my ribs, so for a couple of weeks, I could barely move my shoulders. Therefore I never tried any water sport again, except for rafting or kayaking.

Furthermore, Australia is full of dangerous animals especially marine animals. One day we went to another beach, where I was stung by jellyfish. Fortunately, it wasn't that painful and I needn't go to the hospital, however, I had jellyfish tentacles on my body for days. I was quite lucky because in Australia lives a species of blue jellyfish, which is considered to be the most dangerous species in the whole world. Its sting is fatal to humans!

The worst experience I had in Australia wasn't with jellyfish, though. One evening I went down to the garden of my house in order to dig up some weeds. There was a bunch of weed on the ground, which had to be gathered up and thrown away. However, as soon as I picked up a bunch, underneath there was a huge black coiled snake. I sprang back some kilometres away and started screaming like a little girl. I am extremely afraid of snakes and, for those who don't know this, I have never managed to watch this scene in the first Indiana Jones movie, where he is surrounded by snakes. I always leave or close my eyes. Therefore I suffer from ophiophobia! Anna and Ingmar rushed out to see why I was screaming like that and when I told them about the snake, they started giggling at my little adventure.

So, except for recording, we used to go on journeys. Apart from my friends, I'd also travelling along with my family, but in more distant places and usually abroad. As long as we were living in Australia, it was easier for us to travel to the islands of Oceania; places I'd always dreamt of travelling in.

When I was younger, I used to watch documentaries or several series featuring exotic journeys to islands and since then I fell in love with islands. A surreal and wonderful dream I have always had is to get on my little boat and sail on every island of Oceania. One night I had this completely absurd dream. I was in the Galapagos Islands (Exactly! I suppose I wanted to take a look at Darwin's tortoises) with my family and we were swimming. Then we reached the coast and entered a hut, in which some people were playing music that sounded like a mixture of tribal and Latin music. After listening to their music, we headed towards our little boat. Suddenly, a huge tsunami approached us, which not only didn't get us drowned, but it was like a sort of means of transportation, as it threw us on some coast of Papua-New Guinea.

Some other time I had an even more bizarre dream. In general, during the time I was ill, I used to travel thousands of miles around the world, using Google Earth. Sometimes I would only watch the ship routes if, for example, some ship was travelling from the Caribbean coasts to the islands of Oceania. And the dream I had at that time was I was on that voyage, myself, along with my family and while we were in the Ocean, we were surrounded by enormous waves. No, this was no nightmare. We would successfully brave the waves and for us, it was quite an adventure.

I knew why I had these dreams. I had a lust for life and the fact that I had overcome cancer was a great challenge for me. I was convinced I was going to live for many years, that I would die very old, but of course, I had to keep my hopes in check. Even though I was sure about my life, this doesn't mean that I would be completely inactive for the rest of my life, thinking I can put off anything I desire or have to do. Wise men say, Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

That's why I had to learn that nobody can survive on their own, to start with. Therefore I'd live all my adventures along with my family. And furthermore, I would indeed get into an adventure, this was something I'd definitely do. I didn't consider what all these madmen did in documentaries utopic anymore. It's just that a journey in exotic islands needs money, time and an excellent arrangement. Ingmar and I could achieve that. Both of us (and Anna as well) loved to plan to get into new adventures and our own future as well.

Therefore in the summer, we stayed in Sidney only for the recording session. The rest of the time we were planning to travel to the islands of Oceania. We went to Papua - New Guinea, Fiji Islands, to Tahiti, to Bora Bora Islands, to Micronesia, to the Solomon Islands, to Vanuatu, to the Marshall Islands and many many more. It was a huge cruise, unforgettable for everyone, especially the child.

In September the sessions for the record went on. I have already said that we were only covering a Welsh folk music album, which I was listening to when I was fifteen. That's not absolutely true. Through our cooperation with Johanna, a common song of ours was born: Goodbye Voyager. It was a semi-acoustic, semi-Celtic and semi-rock song, which would be often played live in the future.

Although Johanna and I had originally known each other for more than twenty years, we'd been real friends for almost three years now. We'd get to know each other better day by day and I'd realise how many things in common we had and how very much of the same skin we were. When I was a kid, Vivian used to call Johanna and my sister Johanna squared, but, as revealed, she had more things in common with me rather than my sister. She would protect me as if I were her younger sister. And for those who don't know, Johanna had studied linguistics and the topic of her PhD was islands (for non-linguists I'll explain later what islands are --anyway they have nothing to do with actual islands surrounded by the Ocean).

Recording sessions were done and the album was released in November 2028. Its title was Music and Dances from Wales. Its title wasn't anything special and we even cheated a little bit. The music wasn't from Wales exclusively, because there was a composition of ours as well.

You can see that, during all this time, I had recovered and I was active constantly. My nutrition was improved, even though I necessarily was a vegan. I've been a vegetarian, since I was 20, and, as after the operation my stomach couldn't handle dairy products anymore, I had become a vegan. I didn't have any problem with that at all and I furthermore felt my stomach lighter and I suffered no heartburns or refluxes anymore.

I had started to consider that it was high time we returned home, to Kirkenes. But there were two things that would keep me back. The one was the course I was attending, which I hadn't completed yet. I was thinking I could quicken my graduation time, but this was impossible to happen before summer 2029.

The next issue was my students. I didn't teach in that school anymore and with great sadness, I waved goodbye to my old students. However, I used to have some students at home. These were refugees, which I used to teach privately, because they couldn't keep up with school lessons, due to their lack of language comprehension. Children used to come to my place every evening. And there were so many!  I didn't want to have a typical relationship with them only, that's why after the lesson I used to give them fruits and porridge (just like my aunt used to do to her students) and we would chat a little bit. At some point, my heart was broken. Some of my students were refugees, who got to reach Australia from Syria. They didn't have good reception in Europe, because they were illegal ones (because the government wouldn't give them a residence permit and it's not refugees to blame for), so the children were literally sleeping in the streets. Some of them had seen their own house being demolished, the three-year-old sibling of a student of mine had seen his mother being massacred before his very eyes and many similar freaking stories. How could I ask for money from these poor little souls? In case some of them were of greater financial status, they would give me a small sum, but in no case would I ask anything like that.

Therefore I was doing every job in the world. I was a teacher, a gardener, a good mother, a good wife, a housebuilder etc. However, I didn't dare to touch Art yet (except for the Welsh music album, which was a promise I'd given to myself fifteen years before). Art would appear again sometime later, when something would spark my interest so much, that I would be able to express it only through the making of a new album.

53. NO MORE INTERVIEWS

After the summer I decided to make a great change in my life. As I said before, Ingmar and I had invented a game, which was called Seize the Day and it had several levels, which we had to achieve. One of those levels, which I had to pass, was to complete some unfinished business, which I had started when I was 18 years old and I just gave up. And I'm referring to my first big dream ever, the one which I had since I was 5 years old: to become a geologist. I'd studied Geology for a semester until I left Norway. Never before had I thought that I'd complete something like that, but then I realised it was high time I finally achieved that. Whatsoever I am the kind of person who always starts something from the beginning, therefore achieving my first dream was something very important to me. Furthermore, the time was suitable, as I myself was going through a phase in my life, during which I used to teach science at school. Therefore educating myself further was a very positive step for me. Whatsoever I had to stop occupying myself only with Art. It had already caused me many problems. So I decided to go back to the University and take a Geology course. It'd last two years, that is from September 2027 to September 2029. Along with that, I would continue teaching at school.

I realised that Australia's education system wasn't the same as it used to be. The children now had a much lower educational background and this is something I noticed both in my students and Anna's school. Many children had a low educational background and sometimes it was quite hard for them to make them distinguish between terms such as science and faith. Some teachers would even confuse these two. I can refer to a specific example from my daughter's school. Anna, who had just started Junior High School, had talked to me about some incidents at her Biology class at school. Since the beginning of the semester, their teacher had told her students she wasn't going to teach the whole book, but omit some chapters, as some of its theories were wrong. At some point in the lesson, the children were taught about the classification of the species. The teacher, who was a biologist (I highlight this) pointed out to the children that dinosaurs lived alongside the human species. My daughter was aware of fossils and the geological time, because not only had we talked about it together, but she had also read that in her books. Then she dared to tell her teacher that we cannot find fossils in the wrong geological time because this cancels out the theory of evolution itself. Her teacher went mad and started saying that the theory of evolution is just a theory, belongs to the past and we shouldn't talk about it anymore. And this was something that a biologist used to say to children in a school! I suggested that Anna asks her teacher about how she thought that species were evolved...or better appeared or developed (if you don't fancy the word evolution), but she didn't want to get into a fight with her. This thing was unbelievable. Teachers are highly responsible for how children develop their conscience. They can't just try and persuade them, in such a vulnerable age, that facts which are proved and we have evidence for, that they are just some theories. Fortunately, Anna comes from a family, which isn't that credulous and of course, Ingmar and I educate ourselves a lot and are real bookworms.

Time was going by and I was getting better and better. And for the first time in my life, I was feeling I started to have a balanced family life. I was spending time with my family, playing games, talking, going on trips, watching movies...we use to do everything. Christmas, 2027, was the best Christmas of my life, even though for the first time ever we experienced it in the summer. The only sad thing was that for the first time we were without dad. The most important achievement of mine, though, was that I wasn't absent anymore. All my life I felt I was completely absent, like being here without being really here. My body was present and my mind was absent. And I believed this would harm my child, as she would grow up without the presence of a mother. But things had changed. I was there and I was so happy to have my daughter, Anna.

In early 2028 the band started a new tour. I was glad of them to follow my advice and temporarily continue without me. Johanna was in lead vocals, who was also playing the acoustic guitar. And they could do without me so perfectly, so why were they complaining that I am the band? Johanna had one of the most beautiful and purer voices I'd ever heard. And furthermore, we could combine acoustic elements much better. Whatsoever acoustic folk music was the genre which I liked most of all. The band was completely acoustic when it started and also my own compositions mainly are based on acoustic music. For those who don't know it, Bryan is the one who snatches me away from it, otherwise, all of my compositions would be acoustic. But he is the one at the end of the day, who always tells me to put something more complex on it. So, I don't understand why Johanna couldn't replace me at all. I wouldn't be gone forever anyway.

Even though the band was convinced to accept my temporary departure, I can't say that the same holds true about the fans. A huge hoopla broke out after my announcement that I needed a break. I didn't refer to anything about my illness, but I only said I needed a break for health reasons. So, instead of wishing me to get well soon, they couldn't get enough of interviewing me, asking me about what I had, about whether I was going to die and some even asked me how long I was going to live. I really wanted to know whether all those journalists and fans are able to realise that artists are human beings and not production machines. What do they think we are? Robots that work like machines? We are simple human beings with feelings and insecurities. I was going through the second worse phase of my life, since that time I don't know if a new day would dawn for me, every single moment I was thinking that I could die any time soon and those people were asking me whether I was going to live! And the worst came from fans who were so unbelievable! I received so many messages, in which people were swearing at me, accusing me of abandoning the band. They were telling me I was an egoist and a narcissist and that I only care about my beautiful self, that's why I left. That I wanted to live a luxurious life, without caring about the consequences that my departure would have on others. That I was pretending to suffer from health problems and that I was alright, but I told one more lie, so I could be better off with that. Right! As I said before, I didn't know whether I was even going to die and decided to keep my mouth closed, so I wouldn't scare anybody, I wouldn't become a burden to anybody and...alas (!) because it was my own problem and if I even wanted to abandon my band forever, this was nobody's business. I wouldn't explain my decision to people. But I realised it was my own fault. And it was my fault for the following reason. I was the one who was talking about herself too much. I would never conceal myself and in many interviews, I'd done a great coming-out so many times. Journalists knew that if they asked me anything, I would be completely honest with them. I'd leaked so many personal details about me because I never liked lying nor insulting other people, telling them that they are asking me about personal information. However, since that time I made a great decision, which I followed for the rest of my life. I became as secretive as ever. And the most important. I never spoke to any interview again. Never. Ever. And for any reason. No more interviews. And I stated that, after that incident and being betrayed for the second time (the first was after the lawsuit), I would never speak to any interview ever. The other members of the band could do whatever they wanted. Interviews for me, though, were over.

Alexandria had a break from touring during the Easter holidays. Therefore, Nancy visited me for the first time in Australia. We spent a lot of time together, just like the good old days, watching films, walking in nature and drinking fine wines in the evenings. One day we decided to go hiking in the mountain. While we were walking, there was a long downhill. I had always had acrophobia and I couldn't really walk a long way down, because I didn't have a good balance.

When I reached the downhill I felt vertigo coming over me and I told Nancy: "I can't walk down. Could you please take my hand?"

Then Nancy said to me: "No. You'll get down alone so that you overcome your fear".

"I can't", I said in a shaking voice. After complaining too much, Nancy said to me this: "Think, Ingrid, what fear is. How are phobias created? Fear is an emotion, which our amygdala creates so that it prevents us from being exposed to dangers and dying. It's connected to our instinct of survival".

Then I said: "You mean that I am afraid to gaze down from a large height because my amygdala causes a stimulus, which subconsciously makes me think that I might fall down and die?"

"Exactly", she said smiling. "Have this little dialogue with yourself and think that fear is only in our mind. Then take some deep breaths, put down your arms and walk the downhill".

In the end, I was willing to walk down alone, but I was constantly gazing at the ground. "Ingrid, look in front of you. Not down. In front".

I was walking down, thinking I have to be looking in front of me and I was constantly repeating the words fear is something fictitious, fear is something fictitious so that I could ultimately believe this. And it finally worked. I could walk down, without coming down with vertigo or nausea. Nancy would even make me walk in downhills so that I make myself getting used to it and not be afraid. Sometimes we would go to crazy roller coasters. Well, this is how I overcame acrophobia and since then I exercise, which will give me the boost for a better balance. And what I wish is that one day I will eventually have a good balance (however you take the word balance).

One night, Nancy and I were at home, chatting. At some point, the discussion turned to my health.

"Whatever this is what you have, are you feeling better now?"

"I am supposed to be cured after the operation", I said.

"So no need to worry".

I sighed. "I can never stop worrying, Nancy. What happened to me is very serious and it might happen again and..."

"Ingrid, what was wrong with you?", Nancy interrupted.

"I can't tell you".

"Why? Why such secrecy? I'm your friend and I'm worried about you".

"I'll tell you provided that nobody else in the band ever learns anything".

"Fine", she said.

"I had bone cancer, but...now I'm fine. I removed it".

Nancy had a frozen look on her face.

"It's a...miracle, that you are still alive", she whispered.

"I'm alive because my cousin is a good surgeon".

Both of us remained silent for a while.

"If anything happens again, you're going to tell me, right?"

I shook my head. "I promise".

She hugged me. "You're the best friend anyone would like to have".

I felt my eyes getting wet. Well, it was only people, who I was closely bonded with, who cared about me more than anyone else.