2023 was the year, that I could, at last, say that I had been happy with my life. I was surrounded by lovely people, as firstly I was still visited by my friends and my parents and secondly I was living with Anna and Ingmar. At the same time, since mid-October, I had started getting involved with the play, which I hoped would be staged during mid-2023. The transcription was now complete. I was planning to come back from the journey in the Caucasus and then, start rehearsing with the theatre group.
In mid-January, I met Collins in Rhodes island, in Greece. Although it was winter, the Mediterranean climate wasn't that cold for me, as I was used to the Scandinavian winter. In Rhodes, we hopped on a boat and reached Bodrum in Turkey. I really loved Turkey and its music, however, I was getting extremely pissed, when everybody was trying to bargain with you. Honestly, in Turkey, people were forcing you to buy anything, even if in the end they let you pay only 1 euro. Collins and I rented a car, as we had to reach the Caucasus. We had very interesting discussions all the way. As I have mentioned before, Collins characterised herself as an atheist and a Marxist and she used very powerful arguments to support her opinions. I was an atheist too, but I can't say I was a Marxist at all. My grandfather, Lauri, was a Communist, though not exactly a Stalin-friendly one. In general, my grandfather's kin had the tendency to be really altruistic, in the sense that we are all equal with one another, that's why we have to love our fellow man. Whatsoever, my grandfather's brother was a priest. Thus, when you see two brothers, and one of them is a Communist and the other one a priest, then there's some connection to it, even though Communists also often are atheists, just like in Collins' occasion. For my own part, I was always inclined to left-wing beliefs and until 2023 I was supporting Communism, exactly because I was highly influenced by my grandfather. I had also composed a relative song in our first album. However, I can't say that I had real knowledge about politics at such a young age. However, when I read a specific book, I realised that there are instincts and tendencies. That's why, not everything is a social construction, but indeed human nature plays a very important role. And of course, part of human nature is our own tendency to compete, as selfish and wicked as it might sound.
At some point, Collins told me that she really likes Greece, as she knew that my father had a Greek origin. She also told me that, whenever she drives in Syntagma, the city centre of Athens, she likes listening to Vangelis' Heaven and Hell. I smiled. Was she joking? It was me the one who liked doing this as well. I knew that Vangelis was a Greek musician, that's why, whenever I would be driving in Syntagma, I would play Heaven and Hell in the car!! I told her.
"You have diverse musical preferences", she answered.
We collected music from several villages in Turkey. I was impressed by the fact that Collins could speak Turkish and Greek. I could also speak Greek, but not Turkish. I knew only some words. However, Turkish had a common system with Finnish, which was my natural language, as both languages were agglutinative and also featured a vowel harmony. Only that, as I was told, both features were much more complex in Turkish.
A few days later, we went to the Caucasus. Or we....climbed, because, in order to get there, you need to climb the mountains. There were villages with a tradition, dating to antiquity. Their music was polyphonic and still remains pentatonic. And people were so hospitable. They didn't speak English and of course, we couldn't speak Georgian -- because now we had already reached Georgia. They had a very special way to produce wine and scientists believe that this is the place which is producing the most ancient wine on the globe. Anyway, I have to say that, even though I am a huge fan of wine and I know a lot about its production, I've never in my life tasted such a delicious wine as the Georgian. Furthermore, they were cooking a delicious cheese pie, which I also learnt to make myself.
So, in February 2023, I returned to Norway with a lot of material in my hands. I believe that this was the most meaningful fieldwork I'd ever carried out. Although we didn't travel to any other countries than Turkey and Georgia, I think that the material that we collected was enough. I didn't stay long in Norway, as I went on a small trip with Nancy in Northern Britain. Although she was living in Yorkshire, she had a cottage house in a place, called Borrowdale, which was located in Cumbria.
"Do you also have a cottage house?", she asked.
"What am I supposed to do with it?", I said laughing. "Whatsoever, my own house is a large cottage house".
"Vivian had told me that you had built a cabin on an island in Ireland".
Yes, I had. I had my 'little island'. I used to go there all the time when we were recording Mother Nature. On this island, I had bought two land acres and I had built a small hut. But I abandoned Arranmore many years ago.
"I can show you the place", I told Nancy and we set off to Ireland, where I hadn't set foot in for two years.
Thus, I returned to Ireland, without feeling any nostalgia at all. Indeed, when I saw Ireland's fields again, I felt my chest heavy and I had a sick feeling, as my memories of the previous years arose. No, I wasn't like that anymore. Now, I was fine and anything that happened was now in the past. That's why I did a new start, so I knew I would never live permanently in Ireland again.
I showed Nancy my old house and then we headed to the harbour so that we could travel to the opposite side, in Arranmore. I would usually rent a boat after I sold mine one, and I would reach the opposite side. However, when I reached the harbour, a great surprise was waiting for me. Now, you couldn't rent a boat, but there were frequent ferry services, as Arranmore had become a tourist attraction. I was rather upset with that change, however, I accepted it and Nancy and I travelled by the first service.
Arranmore had changed. When I bought these land acres, the island was almost uninhabited. Now, not only were houses built and people were permanently living there, but you could also find cafeterias. I had even read in the local Donegal newspaper, that inhabitants of Gweedore appealed to Irish people, who had moved to the States, to repatriate and live in Arranmore. I didn't think negatively about the development of a place. I'm not one of these people who believe that rapid changes mean destruction. Quite the contrary. I like to see people moving forward and make progressive ideas real. However, the change of this particular island, Arranmore, hurt me and this, of course, is nothing but a personal issue of mine. Arranmore had been my own shelter when I believed I couldn't keep track of the real world, which I was a part of. But psychotherapy helped me learn that I don't need to find any shelter at all so that I could protect myself from people and reality. What I actually need is real communication with people I love and care about and of course to be able to make my dreams come true, without being scared at all. And the fact that I wasn't alone, when I visited Arranmore again, two years later, was salvific to my mental health. I don't know if I would be able to face watching this alone. Nancy was a good friend and made me feel safe, even though we didn't say anything to each other about feelings. Nancy and I went to see my hut. It was almost destroyed. I felt a deep sorrow and kept gazing long at it as if I were lost. I jumped up when I suddenly heard Nancy's voice: "Ingrid, shall we go? It's getting dark soon". For a moment, I forgot she was there too. "Yes, Nancy. We'd better go back".
While we were at the boat, Nancy told me: "You are upset, aren't you?".
I sighed. "I've got many good memories from that place".
Not only Arranmore was what had changed. Ireland itself was transformed in my view. And it was so funny because I was away no more than two years ago.
I returned home, in Kirkenes, with my hands full of presents for everybody. I was feeling so happy, that I wanted to show every dear person of mine how much I cared about them. Kirkenes was full of snow, just like it always used to be at that time of the year. When I opened the gate of the house, I noticed Anna outside. A tiny red beanie hat was covering her cute blonde hair. "Ingrid!", she exclaimed, when she saw me, and she rushed towards me.
"My love!", I said and held her high in my arms, giving her a kiss. Oh, I really loved that child.
When I entered home, I showed Ingmar what kind of music Collins and I had collected and he noticed how happy I'd been with our achievements. "This is what I like to see from you, youngster", he said. "To make your dreams come true".
So, I sent every music I had collected to the other members. And then, I started composing songs for our next album. The vibe was completely new to me. On the one hand, it'd been ages since I had last written music inspired by positive feelings and on the other hand, the place I was composing in, was my own house, which was located close to the place, where I was born, Kongsgambukta bay. This time, my lyrics had a more universal meaning and concerned the journey without a destination and without a map, a topic, I had an obsession with, for years. Now, I wasn't that much referring to negative feelings, nor did I feel a pain in my chest, when I was composing. On the contrary, I was full of euphoric feelings as well as love, let alone the fact that I was extremely lovesick.
The album had a much heavier sound than the previous ones, in the sense that our music wasn't inspired only by Pink Floyd, but by hard rock bands also, just like Iron Maiden. I believe that this style fitted more to me, as my voice wasn't lyrical at all, in contrast to Dina's. And of course, the album's notable feature was the fact that it was highly influenced by Eastern music. However, this doesn't mean that it didn't have Celtic elements at all. Quite the opposite! I had written two songs in a completely Celtic style: the one was called Amhrán na Chroí (Song of the heart), which was referring to the journey without a destination. It was highly inspired by Braveheart's soundtrack because I really loved James Horner. The other song was my love letter to harbour oil, but also the reviving of the memory of the deadly tsunami in Indonesia, during Christmas, 2004. Its name was Raging Oceans and it also had a Celtic style. Nancy would play tin whistles, flute and uilleann pipes in both songs.
The album, in general, had a rather positive vibe, as far as its topics were concerned. I wasn't talking about personal experiences that much anyway. However, there was a specific song, which was the sibling of my book, Black Notebook. Its name was The Sky Moves Backwards and the title was inspired by Porcupine Tree's album, The Sky Moves Sideways. It was the longest song I had ever composed, as it lasted about 22 minutes. The story was the same that Black Notebook described. Originally, it consisted of three parts and lasted 17 minutes. However, when I sent the demo to Dina, in the States, by e-mail, she replied to me it was a masterpiece and that she's happy that our songs are getting even better, but she would be pleased if the song had a happier ending. Thus, I composed a really beautiful finale, according to which our heroine, now named Thaleia, wakes up in the grass and the sun is shining on her face. She follows an unknown path, which leads her to a completely new life. That's why now it's time we were free from wounds of the past. Even though the wounds are still open, we shall not bleed anymore. And what will save us, is the journey to the future. So, I sent Dina the new demo, changing, in addition, some lyrics, which were completely macabre and nightmarish. She replied to me, that, first, this was the best song I'd ever composed and, secondly, it had the most beautiful finale she had ever listened to my songs.
During the time we were composing our songs, in March my mum visited me. While we were sitting close to the fireplace, drinking coffee, she placed some notebooks on the table.
"What are these?", I asked.
"I found them inside a box at home".
I opened them and I noticed they were marine diaries and memoirs, belonging to my grandfather, Lauri. I took a look at them and realised that his style resembled mine so much. Probably, my mum had the same thought and she said to me: "Now I see where you have inherited your writing talent from". I smiled.
"Grandpa could see something on me", I said. "Did you know that it was me the one he talked to before he passed?".
"Really? And what did he say?".
"That I had to make my dreams come true".
My mum remained silent for a while.
I flicked through them. "Hmm, these are of great worth", I answered. "I believe they should be published. What do you think?".
"For sure!", she exclaimed.
"I'll talk to Kati and you try and communicate with your other sisters, Maija and Lina. If I don't take any permission, I can't do anything. I don't want to get involved with any lawsuit again", I said laughing.
"You're such an idiot kid!", my mum said.
A few days later, my mum told me that her sisters granted permission. So, I went to a publishing house and published the books. And this was an act, which for me honoured my grandfather's memory because to me he was the most important member of my family.
In April, I received a phone call from the organisers of the Celtic festival, who announced the dates to me. "I'm not taking part this year either", I said. "I might do next year". I didn't want to return to Ireland, not after I had seen Arranmore. It was still early and I hadn't completely get past my traumas from that place. My memories were still awake and I didn't want to have nightmares nor did I want to suffer insomnia again. However, in April I set off to Wales along with Alexandria, as we were about to record our eighth album. But, time was pressuring me so much, as I should also start rehearsing with the theatre group. This means that I couldn't be in the studio all these three months constantly. Also, time was pressuring me, because the album was going to be folkier than ever, so we should be in Bristol too, in order to record the parts of our traditional/folk ensemble orchestra. I met with the other guys and we agreed on the fact that I would be in England only at times. This way, I could also be close to my family.
During all the time we were in Rockfield, I could notice a change in relation to the previous years. To start with, that was the first album we were recording without Dina (I don't consider that Storms in the Darkness was REALLY an album), so the feeling was quite different. Now, I was on lead vocals and I didn't have to do just backing vocals anymore nor take only a few songs to sing. Furthermore, the atmosphere had a more UK aura, given the fact that three out of five members came from or were permanent inhabitants of the UK, while only Lulu and I were Norwegians. I didn't mind at all. If anything, I loved the UK so much. After Norway and Australia, it has been my favourite country.
When our sound engineer saw me, he said:
"You've become really beautiful lately".
"Are you flirting with me?", I answered back in a joke.
"Why?", he said affectionately. "Do you intend to get married already?".
He politely patted me on my back. "I'm glad you're much better now".
I was also glad that I was much better now. And the state of my mental health had as a consequence that I was meticulously taking care of myself. Christ! Back in 2023, I was a smoking hot chick and I'm not exaggerating at all. But my beauty was more or less natural. I can't say I was ever wearing excessive make-up, though I was really fond of dark eyeshadow. Even when I was in the theatre, I would use that kind of make-up. I had the beauty of an artist, who is playing lyrical drama. Sofia used to tell me that I looked like a girl, painted on a portrait of the Renaissance.
Having this kind of beauty, which suited perfectly in my acting, I returned to Norway, where I met the theatre group. I don't behave my colleagues in the theatre in the same way as I do in my band. The band wants me to be the boss about everything, that's why they are calling me their meisterin, however, this really gets on my nerves. The fact that I am Alexandria's lyricist doesn't mean that I have to be like a bogey, who should supervise everything. That's why I was rather happy that I didn't stay all this time in Rockfield. Lydia accused me of being despotic. I couldn't let her be right. At the theatre, though, things were really different. While at the theatre, I'm not just bossy, I'm the boss indeed. At the theatre, nobody shall even move, without my own permission. Of course, this doesn't mean that people are afraid of me or anything like that. If anything, we are really good friends. However, the theatre has nothing to do with the music industry. When I first started writing scripts, everybody in the theatre treated me as if I were a whore. They even tried to force me to dress in a specific style, to have a specific type of hair and they even tried to determine how I was going to write my plays. Thus, I was forced to stamp my foot on the ground and in the end, I should become the one who would give orders. It was me the one who was doing everything and giving roles to the actors. Of course, I was always open to people's opinions and if someone didn't agree on something, I was willing to listen to their own opinion. Thus, I met with the team along with Kristina. I told the rest of the guys: "Let's give a warm welcome to our new friend, Kristina. She is going to have Daisy's role".
I think that never before had rehearsals gotten that well. In general, the work had a great amount of difficulty, in the sense that it was rather dramatic, so the actors had to be very expressive. Even Daisy's role, which had a more everyday style, at the end, where she found her friend dead, required a great expressive ability. The most difficult part for me was the end, there where I, as the heroine, draw the blade and kill myself. Truly, this move, by itself, was bringing many bad memories in my mind and was making me live the same nightmare again, as in my mind there was still the picture of Eva's corpse lying on the floor. I was trying to persuade myself, thinking This is your own catharsis, but a nightmare is a nightmare.
On the other hand, there were also funny moments among the team. In that particular scene, when I have to draw the blade, the lights are off. However, once, as it was too dark and I couldn't see a thing, instead of holding the knife by its handle, I held it by its blade. So, when the lights went off, everybody heard me screaming, OWWW!!! Furthermore, during the first time we rehearsed, the actors realised that after my suicide, they'd have to carry my body away from the stage. Thus, some guy said: "What? Are we going to carry such a big weight?".
"Oh, come on, please", I said in a burst of laughter. "Last year, I lost ten kilos".
In the end, we realised that two people weren't enough to lift me up, due to my height, thus a third person was needed.
So, in May 2023 the premiere of the play took place, in which every inhabitant of Kirkenes came. I warned familiar people of mine, that they shouldn't be taken aback when they would see me die. However, I didn't warn my parents, because they were also actors and I would like to take them by surprise. Prior to the show, I was alone in the dressing room, getting myself ready. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. I'd never seen myself beautiful before. I was wearing a long black dress with a silver belt on my waist. My hair was down and dark. I was playing along with my hair and laughed, as I remembered the discussion I had with Ingmar some days before in bed. Then, when he touched my hair and said: "Honey, why don't you dye your hair red?".
"Do you want me to be a redhead?", I said smiling.
"Me?". He laughed. "You look like a fairy in that hair".
A fairy? How sweet!
"I used to have red hair a few years ago".
"I've seen photos. It really suited you".
Then I whispered to my boyfriend: "The Poet has dark hair".
He winked at me: "When the Poet is over, dye your hair red".
"Ingrid, are you coming?", a voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
"One second", I replied. "I'm still getting ready". It was Sofia.
"Well, all I see is that you touch your hair and you are smiling. Lovesick girl".
Me, a lovesick girl? Does she think I'm just a foolish teenage girl? I would experience love with real feelings and not wishy-washy bullshit, as some other girls did.
I walked to the stage. In order to put away any anxiety, I did everything I was also doing in the other shows. You're not Ingrid now. You're the Poet, I thought.
The show was a huge success. Indeed, during the moment I drew the blade, though some people from the audience exclaimed, I didn't freak out at all. Also, in the end, when I was carried, I achieved not laugh. When the play was over and the actors appeared on stage, the applause was loud like a roar. But, when I appeared in the end, the applause became even bigger. I honestly felt so touched, because it was the best work I'd ever written and staged in my life. On the other hand, when I went off to change clothes, I came down with a feeling of great sorrow, as my mind was once again filled with nightmarish memories. During the moment I was wiping my tears away, Kristina came in.
"Ingrid, is everything alright? What's the matter with you?".
"Nothing", I said and sniffled. "I got too emotional. That's all".
"We rocked, didn't we?".
"Mmm...hmmm", I mumbled and turned to leave.
"Hey", Kristina approached me. "The play affected you, right?".
"Sort of", I said. Kristina hugged me.
The play was staged in other cities of Norway too. Furthermore, we played in Alta two nights in a row, for the sake of my beloved sister, Johanna.
In June 2023, the album and the traditional orchestra were recorded. The album cover depicted a red tent in a forest and it was inspired by a drawing, which Anna gave to me. I hadn't found a title for our album yet. However, Vivian suggested that its name be related to something primordial. Then, I jokingly replied to her that we would name it primordial soup. She burst into laughter. "I hope you're kidding", she said.
"Of course, I am", I replied.
Eventually, the album was named The Ancestor's Voice and in the credits we added Amanda Collins' name too because without her contribution there would be no album. It was released on the 18th of September, 2023.
No comments:
Post a Comment