47. FAMILY

 

"Well", I started. "Tell me what's wrong and why you came back".

"No need to worry about me", she replied. Then she lifted her blouse and I noticed a swollen belly. I exclaimed: "Dina, this is wonderful news!"

"We are going to have a daughter", she said to me.

"And why did you just leave the States? I haven't quite understood".

Dina sighed. "Listen, my pregnancy is not the reason, why I came back. I just realised that I didn't enjoy this lifestyle at all".

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want to become like Lydia. Cocky and pretentious".

"Why? Do you believe that were you still in the States, you would have become cocky and pretentious?"

"Ingrid, it's all about Broadway. You have to deal with excessive money there. Yes, I enjoyed what I was doing, I enjoyed the fact that I was highly paid. But I didn't want to become a diva, just like many other women I met. Do you know what I've seen with my own eyes?"

I shook my head negatively.

"Things you've seen at the theatre is nothing compared to what's happening in Broadway. I swear I have never encountered more perverted people in my whole life".

"I hope nobody ever did anything to you".

She laughed. "Are you joking? They wouldn't dare to. But, apart from the reasons why I explained to you, the latter was the main reason why I left. Stardom is not for me. Whatsoever, I wanted to continue my career as an archaeologist".

"It's hard to combine both. Archaeology requires a lot of work. Excavations and similar stuff".

"Only excavations?", she said. "I think you don't know much about it".

"I don't have the slightest idea about archaeology. I've heard about one thing or two only by my father, although he himself has studied ethnology".

"Furthermore", she went on, "I'd rather be playing the guitar in acoustic projects. I love interacting with my audience".

"Me too", I said. "I'm not really excited about the idea that in the future Alexandria might be rocking huge arenas. Small places fit better to me. Afterwards, I can chat up with people a little bit".

"How are things going with the band?"

"We are about to release an album in late April".

"Woah, you don't say. What should we expect from you?"

My tone became milder. "It is related to the Holocaust and World War II".

"Oh, come on now, Ingrid. How did you come up with such a disasterology theme? Has anything happened to you"

I cracked up. "If something bad had come up, I would be writing about my wounded heart, not about historical topics. I just read a book related to the Holocaust, which gave me such a great shock, that I wanted to reflect my thoughts about it in music".

"Have you been writing any book lately?"

"Some time ago, Jesikka and I published a book with short horror stories".

"Boo, this sounds so scary! You haven't informed me about it. Tell me more".

"Jesikka had this crazy idea that we spend some time in my summer cottage in Greece and write two or three short stories for Orchidea's Tales. However, we were stranded due to a huge storm, so within three whole months, we were able to write about twenty-five short stories. When flights became available again, we returned to Norway and published our book. It's called Tales from the Crypt and it's available both in Norwegian and English".

"And how would you comment on the writing process?"

"Jesikka helped me a lot. Whatsoever, she mostly writes horror books. Even though I'm an author myself, I usually write novels or psychobiographies. I'm not sure I have quite good skills so that I can write horror or sci-fi books. And of course, fantasy doesn't work for me at all. Quite often, Jesikka would tear her hair out, because of my writing style".

Dina laughed. "Have you now learned how to write such stories at least?"

"Yeah, somehow", I said. "I think I can put more action to the story".

"Great. Do this again and this time by yourself. Write your own horror book".

"I don't think I will", I replied. "I'd rather keep on writing novels. And also this year I won't have time to start writing anything else. We've just finished with the film shooting".

"What film?", Dina asked.

"Haven't I told you? A film director, who's a friend of mine, suggested I play on his film".

"That's brilliant. When is it out?"

"About May".

"I'm surely going to watch it. We will watch it together", she said laughing.

I can't say I was really fond of that idea. I don't know what was happening to me, but my feelings towards Dina weren't the best anymore. In the past, I have said that  Dina is the best friend anyone would want to have. I had always loved her as if she were my own sister. But when I saw her after two years and a half, my stomach was sick. I once again came down with all these awful memories, these ones about Lydia. And I didn't want to go back to those times. My heart was broken because I knew that Dina and I could never again have this strong bond that we once did. And that's why because I could never again look at her right in the eyes. Every time I would feel a bitter taste in my mouth because I would remember these terrible moments we all went through. I would remember that I had tried to kill myself twice and that I had been in such a terrible mental state, in which nobody in the world would want to be. For years now, I had steered clear from this situation and Dina's presence reminded me of these dark times.

In order to avoid negative thoughts, I wouldn't spend too much time alone. I was working on the songs for landscape-music.org at home, where I was also spending time with my daughter, Anna, as well as my partner, Ingmar. Anna had grown much older now, so we could have more common interests. We were still building jigsaw puzzles on the floor, but now we would make puzzles with more pieces, which fitted better to her own age. We also kept on playing games --we loved games, indeed and we would spend the evenings either playing games or watching good movies. Even though she was young, she wanted to learn how to cook (I think this is something she inherited from her father). She, indeed, knew how to make some recipes. And of course, she would always help with house chores or other necessary stuff in the house.

I liked to do creative stuff with my family. I had always been afraid that I wouldn't ever maintain a work-life balance. But then, I realised that both my work and my family had started to reach similar levels. Furthermore, I would never again mention the fact that I had missed my parents. Since I moved back to Kirkenes, I was visiting my mum and dad really often. And now, they weren't touring that long anymore. My dad had diabetes and doctors suggested he didn't take long trips. Thus, the fact that I moved back was quite positive, because my parents wouldn't have to travel to visit me in Ireland anymore.

I was intensively working until April 2025. I did all mixing and mastering by myself at home. So, on the 8th of April, 2025 I uploaded those sixteen songs I had written in landscape-music.org. Nobody learnt about it, because I never announced it and I didn't want to. I think it's great hypocrisy to start donating to charities and then trumpet it abroad. It feels like you are making a good action, only because you want people to applaud you. And this is something very common among artists. Many artists donate the hell of a lot of money and might even give millions away, but then they also announce it in the public, so that they get more reputation. All this instantly cancels out your good act. If you really want to do something for others, just do it without having to announce it. This is what actual altruism stands for, that is to make a good act, without expecting others to pay you back (in this case the payback is reputation and more income, regarding artists).

Furthermore, a drawback, concerning, charities, is the fact that you can't be sure whether your money goes to the right place or not. There are many charities, which don't send your money, where they should, but they keep a sum for themselves, in order to survive. This is not the case for landscape-music.org. This is something I've seen with my own eyes. If you were an artist, you could compose music for the regions (and not only), whose natural habitat needs to be preserved by this organisation. Income from your albums would be instantly sent there for preservation and the organisation wouldn't keep any sum for herself. That's why I trust it. And yes, I had obviously talked about it to other people, but I never publicly announced that I donate or compose songs for it.

In the meantime, the album's recordings had started for months now, so I was travelling back and forth from Norway to Wales. We didn't need to travel to Bristol this time at all, because the album didn't contain so many folk elements, in order to use traditional instruments. The sound was much heavier than our previous records and this has to do mainly with the album's topic. A record, dealing with such serious issues, like violence and war, needs a suitable sound.

During the Easter holidays we stopped recording and Ingmar, Anna and I went to Ireland for the festival. Then I remembered that I had left an errand undone. So the three of us went to Arranmore for the last time, to my former island. The cabin was completely destroyed now, so I had brought my equipment with me. The cabin belonged to the past for me. I would demolish it. "Come on", I said and Anna approached unwillingly. But as soon as I pulled out the hammer, suddenly Anna started to cry.

"Please, don't demolish it", she said sobbing. That was the worst thing to me. If there was something I couldn't stand at all, this was seeing the youngster crying.

"Ingmar", I said decisively, "tell the child she should stop crying".

"Anna", Ingmar whispered to her softly. "You don't have to cry about that. Our house is more beautiful. At least do this for your mum and let her demolish the cabin".

Anna accepted that with a heavy chest so I could demolish the cabin. I can't say I was really excited to do that, but this was something that had to be done.

After the Easter holidays, I returned to the studio. Our record was released on the 19th of April, in 2025, bearing the title Carpe Diem. The tour started soon after the album's release. This tour was slightly different from the previous ones and this is because we weren't always performing alone. In general, we kept our personal lives quite secret from people, that's why a few years ago I scolded my parents for always leaving their door open to the whole world. However, as far as closed communities are concerned, just like Yorkshire or Kirkenes we would open up to people much more than we originally did. Quite often, when we used to perform at the Blakey Ridge in Yorkshire, Raglan Hundred would be playing with us. And the fact that I had a family with Ingmar was not the case, really. Bryan was also engaged with Raglan Hundred's vocalist, Lisa, who had an angel's voice. Thus, quite often, the two bands would appear together in the UK, let alone the fact that we also had a common song.

Our tour would be over in the summer already because we had come up with so many ideas, that we instantly wanted to compose our following album. We didn't want to wait at all, but do a huge tour during the following year, when the next album would be released. In the meantime, the film was out in May 2025 and Dina called to congratulate me. Furthermore, she suggested me something: "Would you like to join me in an excavation project during the summer?"

"Where will it take place?", I asked.

"In Tenerife, in the Canaries. Spain!".

Did I really want to? I was feeling really bad about myself, because since Dina came back from the States, she instantly tried to reunite with me. And I didn't want to. I couldn't be her best friend anymore for all those reasons I previously explained. On the other hand, I fought with myself, because I realised she had deep friendship feelings about me, while I was the one who played it cool. That's why I agreed on travelling with her to Spain and in the phone, she was dancing with joy. This is another reason, why I was feeling so bad, because I had been so unfair to her.

There was much time left because this excavation would start in July and our tour would be over in June. Our last show, in June, took place in a small town in Lapland, called Sodankylä. I never understood why this name. In Finnish, it means war village. From that place, I hopped on the express bus which starts off from Rovaniemi and reaches Murmansk. It's a rather cosy bus, but it takes too long to reach Kirkenes. Seats are always numbered, because this bus is always crowded, thus someone always sits next to me. In this bus, something really weird happened, which at the same time was beautiful. At some point, I realised that a woman was sitting next to me. During journeys, I always have a book with me, so during these eight hours I can be either sleeping or reading my book. Furthermore, in case someone sits next to me and sees me reading, they won't start a small talk with me.

However, at some point, the woman sitting next to me, asked: "Hey, what are you reading?"

For a moment, I felt annoyed, because I don't like chatting with unknown people in the bus.  It makes me get too uncomfortable, because afterwards there is this awkward silence, as I don't know what to say. Furthermore, I was too tired after the tour and I needed some peace alone. However, I stopped feeling annoyed, when I looked up. I saw a blonde woman, who smiled at me and was probably ten years older.

"I am reading Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose", I said, smiling back. "Have you read it before?"

"Hmm, no, but I've surely read other books by this author. Oh, by the way, I'm Johanna", she said and we shook hands. "You?" What a coincidence. Her name was Johanna, just like my sister's name and she even pronounced it in an English way, like my sister did.

"Ingrid", I said. "I'm travelling a long way. To Kirkenes".

"I'm travelling to Alta", she replied.

So, while chatting a little bit in the bus, at some point she interrupted me and exclaimed: "But yes, of course, you are Ingrid! Why I didn't realise already?"

"What do you mean?", I said in a laugh.

"You are little Ingrid. I can clearly remember you now. I am your sister Johanna's best friend and we play music together quite often".

I was confused for a while, but then I realised who she could be.

"Wait a second", I said, " don't tell me that you are this Johanna, who was at our place fifteen years ago. During that time, that my sister and I had formed Uaithnia".

"And we would make you go to bed early, so that we could be playing Skyrim for the whole night and you wouldn't be around", she laughed.

"And the three of us would be gathering mushrooms with our baskets, wearing our long braids and dancing and singing Celtic songs in the forest!"

"I can't believe this", she exclaimed.

"Neither do I. After so many years".

She hugged me. "Hey, did you know I was looking for you? I have been asking your sister about you and she says you have turned out to be a brilliant composer, actress and author".

I laughed. "Sisters always exaggerate about their siblings' deeds".

"Truth be told, I needed you. I need your voice".

"How come?", I asked.

"I've been composing an electronic album and I believe that your voice fits to that perfectly. What do you think? Would you like to join us in the studio?"

I thought about it. "I can't promise that to you. We're just done with our tour and we will instantly start composing our next album. If I find some time, I'll inform you".

"Well, it won't take long. There will be other vocalists too, thus your parts will be recorded in a month".

"Alright, then", I said. "If this starts by the end of the year, give me a call and I'll be there".

When I reached home, I called my sister and told her everything. "How funny things can turn out", she said "and you met Johanna again. She's a brilliant person".

I would spend a month with Anna and Ingmar at home. Then I would be at the excavation site with Dina and then come home again. Ingmar and I quite often used to take long walks in the woods together. Sometimes Anna would join us too. When she didn't, either we would take her to my parents' place or Jesikka would look after her. Jesikka had taught her how to play D&D, that's why we used to spend some of our evenings setting up D&D games. We all loved games and it was a perfect way to spend some time together as a family.

One day, Ingmar and I went for a walk, without taking the child with us. While we were sitting in a stone in the forest, he wrapped his arms around me and he said: "There's something I wanted to talk to you about for some time".

"What?", I asked.

He puffed out. "I don't want to sound corny at all, but I love you and I think it's obvious that we are a family. We could move a little bit further than just living together, don't you think?"

"So to say?", I asked.

"Probably, get married?"

Only thinking about that was scaring me to death. I really loved Ingmar and Anna, but I just couldn't get married. I didn't want this. I couldn't imagine myself being a bride with a dress. I freaked out.

"Listen", I replied. "I love you too, I really do, but...I don't know...this thought about getting married gives me the creeps".

"Why?", he asked and caressed my hand.

"Me with a wedding dress in a church...Christ!"

"Who asked you to put on a wedding a dress and walk into a church?", he said laughing. "Just imagine Ingrid on a wedding dress".

"Then what?"

"Honey, weddings don't always take place in a church. And, in case you don't want a wedding at all, we could sign a civil partnership".

"We are going to be a homosexual couple", I said and cracked up.

He frowned at me. "Civil partnership is not only for gay couples".

"I know", I said. "I'm just kidding".

"When?"

"When?", I repeated.

"When are we getting married?", he asked.

"As soon as possible. Today, tomorrow, in a month".

"In September", he replied. "So that we have more time to get prepared for everything".

"Yes, great".

"I love you", he said.

"I love you too".

Who could have imagined this? In five minutes, I, Ingrid Sorensen, who had sworn to die unmarried (and once said I never wanted children at all), I changed my mind and far from the fact that I was already a mother to Anna, now I would become a wife too. Who could have thought about that?

We didn't tell anything for the time. Whatsoever, civil partnership is not like a wedding, with people and all that noise. The couple goes to a police station along with their IDs and within ten days they get their partnership certificate at home. Of course, there was a ring, indeed, not just for the ritual. It's just that Ingmar is a person, who wants to fill people he loves with warmth. This is something that Anna has also taken from him. And of course, a wedding without a ring would seem a little awkward, although it was going to be a plain civil partnership.

That summer, as I had promised, I went to Spain with Dina. Dina had carried out an excavation again in that same place, so she could understand and speak Spanish perfectly well. Watching her work so intensely made me feel tired too. I used to dig out weeds from my garden and afterwards I would feel just dead, while she would be digging for hours under the Mediterranean sun and she was completely ok with that. At the end of the day, I realised that an archaeologist's job was way much harder than I had imagined it would be. Even though, we had a good time together, it was the last time we actually spent such a long time with each other. And it was such a shame, because for the sake of Lydia, I lost my best friend forever.

Soon after I came home from Spain, I paid a visit to my parents. That day, my dad was out for a walk, so I was in the kitchen with mum. "Your girl has brought some very good news".

"You're pregnant", she said.

My smile faded out. I wasn't and I didn't want to get pregnant again. Anna was my daughter. "No, mum. We already have our own daughter".

I lifted my palm. Mum hugged me: "How charming! When will the wedding take place?"

I laughed. "In September. And don't ever think of me as a bride in a church. Nobody will join, not even you".

"What do you mean?", mum said with a disappointed look.

"I mean that we will sign a civil partnership".

"Oh, that's great then! Truth be told, I could never picture you wearing a wedding dress".

"I can't even picture myself like that".

This time, my dad walked in. "Welcome home, princess", he said and I laughed.

"Thomas, your daughter is getting married", mum said.

Our daughter was informed about it too -- we had to explain to her exactly what this was all about. In the beginning, I was afraid that she would have negative thoughts, because children don't like extraordinary things, because they are scared to face their classmates' criticism. Anna wasn't like that, though. If we were happy, then she was happy with our decisions as well.

My friends followed next. When I met the band again, they asked:

"Hey, where were you off to?"

"I wasn't off to anywhere", I replied.

"Then, what?"

I raised my left hand. "I'm getting married in a month!"