In September 2024, Jesikka and I were about to publish our book. Before it was taken to a publishing company, though, Jesikka insisted we corrected a few points, which I had written. Truth be told, the way I write can be really peculiar at times because I use too much everyday vocabulary. So, Jesikka advised me to use more abstract notions.
Tales from the Crypt was published on September 27, 2024. The next thing was the film I was going to shoot. When I read the script, I instantly realised why Andrew so much insisted I play on that movie. A young and lonely woman finds an injured wolf cub and decides to adopt it. She achieves to tame the wolf and, as she shares her life with it, she also covers her own loneliness. After having read the script, I realised I could truly identify myself with the heroine. I have always loved wolves because I consider them to be the most beautiful animals in the world and whatsoever it's common knowledge to people who know me too well to believe that I have a wolf's character, as I love solitude. Ingmar himself often used to call me a wolverine -- let alone the fact that I love Virginia Woolf.
The most marvellous thing was that, during the shooting, we used a real wolf. And strangely enough, I tamed it perfectly well, even though this cub was living in a shelter with people. In a way, it was growing up like a dog, given the fact that it was living in the same place with dogs. Therefore, there was no reason for me to be afraid that I could be eaten alive by the wolf. As far as Ingmar was concerned, I can tell that he was scared to death when he was informed about our shooting with a real wolf.
"I want you to return alive", he said to me, laughing.
Far from that, the shooting gave me such a hard time, not only because we were using a wolf. I had never in my life shot a film before, therefore I was met with things that I had never expected to happen. For example, there were certain scenes we were forced to shoot more than ten times until they were perfect and that was pissing me off. And although I was an extreme perfectionist myself, when working at the theatre, I wasn't meticulously paying attention to every single detail -- at least not to that extent. But the fact that not only I was shooting a film, but I had also a leading role in it, was a great challenge for me. Every time, I was going back home, my body was aching. Of course, Ingmar and Anna understood that what I was doing was so exhausting, so every night warm food and a huge fire was waiting for me. And at this point, I need to mention how close my family was to me. Ingmar was and still is the most supporting and affectionate partner, that every woman desires to have. Indeed, he was the sole person in the whole world, whom I allowed to be next to me when I would be working.
During that time, I was reading a book about testimonies by survivors of the Holocaust. I have always been interested to learn more about World War II because I consider mankind to be obliged to know about one of the greatest crimes committed by man against man. I have to say that this book really shocked me, as it was all about true, vivid and at times, freaking testimonies of people. I have never been shocked by violence and blood. I have watched a lot of freaking and disgusting horror movies in my life, just like Hostel and The Human Centipede, but I knew it was something completely fake, so it didn't have any negative impact on me. The Holocaust, however, was something real, a series of freaking actions carried out by man to another MAN (I highlight this). I believe that violence and perversion reached their forté during World War II and until today we are wondering how far man can get. That's why the Holocaust should be one of the first things that children are taught at school about. The history of your land and of your ancestors is not enough. Because having such limited knowledge about history might result in e.g. me trying to get in a discussion with someone about the crimes of the Nazis and receive the reply: "Come on, now, do you really believe that the Holocaust is something that really happened?". Yes, I do know people who believe that the Holocaust is something that has never happened. And I believe that what should be done on this occasion is to take all those Holocaust deniers to Auschwitz so that they can really see the crematories. I personally fail to believe that all those deniers are neonazis. I just think they are completely uneducated in history because nobody has ever taught them about this, so they can't bear to believe that man can become such a beast and have no restraints.
As was expected, I started composing songs, after I had talked with the other guys about the topic of our next record. We were planning to release an album during 2025 and I told the others that I really fancied a strong topic just like the Holocaust and World War II. I know it would be too difficult to write music about such a topic, but as long as we were a progressive rock band, I believe we could handle it perfectly. I can remember myself talking to Ingmar about my idea and he really encouraged me. He also believed that such a topic would be worth being popularised to a wider audience. I was daydreaming and thinking that during shows our audience would consist of antifascists and other open-minded people. Surely, this was a political issue and it's not impossible that many people would be calling us names, like stupid anarchists or communist pigs, but we knew who we were and of course, we clearly expressed the fact that we refer to World War II and not to some political ideology. And in general, none of us ever expressed their own political views publicly. Only I made a video once, in which I was talking about a few scandals within the music industry and at some point, I said that we are all victims of capitalism. But generally speaking, each one of us had their own opinion.
Then, after Christmas, we started working intensively. For some reason, I couldn't work after nine o'clock in the evening at all. After that time, I was starting to feel exhausted. I don't know if this is related to age. I was anyway only 29 years old and at that age, it would be impossible for me to get that tired. But in the meantime, I was also shooting a film, so I was working really hard. I had started composing a song, which summarised the topic of the whole album and explicitly referred to the Holocaust. It was named Carpe Diem, after Horace's ode. I can recall myself working for that song for whole days on the piano, but I couldn't come up either with the main melody or lyrics. Some day, I came back from shooting and sat on the piano, but almost collapsed from exhaustion. Ingmar said to me: "I think you had better go to bed. You won't come up with anything if you are so exhausted". So, I went to sleep.
The next day, I woke up early in the morning, in order to keep on with Carpe Diem. But it seemed I didn't really need to. Because, as soon as I went to the piano, I found the paper in which I had written some chords and I also found the main melody completed and EVEN written lyrics. What the hell is happening here? I thought. Have I been sleepwalking? I started playing the melody and it was the sweetest and most emotional tune I'd ever in my life played. I had never felt such a burn in my heart before. And while I was lost inside a world of flowers, the door opened and Anna came in. "Anna?", I exclaimed and looked at her. "Where is your dad?".
"I think he is off to the centre. He won't be late". Then, she took a look at the music sheet. "Ahaa", she said slyly. "You are playing this song, that my dad completed before you did". Then, she started giggling and left.
"Come here, youngster", I said. "What do you mean?". Anna kept on giggling and she walked inside.
After a while, Ingmar walked in and as soon as he saw me on the piano, he smiled and I went like: "Tell me this first, Maestro. What did you do with my song?"
"I stole it from you!", I replied.
"But why?"
"Because it was a masterpiece! I noticed you had a hard time with that one, so I wanted to give you a hand. Anyway, at some point, the two of us should...".
"Yes?", I said. The two of us should what?
He paused for a while and then said: "Nothing, it doesn't have any meaning. I just wanted to give a present to you. Do you mind, because I....you know, I composed the rest of it myself?".
I almost cracked up. Not only I didn't mind, but it was the best present I was given. After that, I was so speechless. But I approached closer and kissed him, and I could only whisper: "You sometimes make me get so emotional".
I think that after this song, I was floating on cloud nine. I was feeling so emotional about everything in such a way, that the rest of the guys were wondering what was wrong with me. I was playing the song on the piano and crying for two whole weeks. And when I eventually presented it to the others, I tried really hard not to shed a single tear. Vivian said to me: "Well, wow, have you composed this yourself?"
I laughed: "The main melody and the lyrics are written by Ingmar".
"It's so beautiful!", she said. Then, I realised I had started to fill with tears again. "Someone is in love!", Vivian exclaimed.
"Easy, my friend", I said and wiped my eyes. "Who do you think I am? I just got too emotional". Truth be told, though, after this song, as corny as this might sound, one single thought was turning in my head: I instantly want to marry this man.
The film shooting was completed in February 2025. Many of my friends knew I was going to take part in a movie, but I hadn't talked to anybody about the plot yet. One day, I went out for a coffee with some old friends and we discussed the fact that I tame a wolf in the movie. While everybody seemed astonished by this fact and considered it to be too dangerous, a girl, Anja said: "So what? It's indeed too dangerous, but not impossible".
Then I smiled and said: "Thank you. Wolves are marvellous creatures. So beautiful".
"I know. I have a wolf".
"What do you mean?", I replied.
"I have a wolf as a pet".
"And how are you still alive? Hasn't it eaten you alive yet?", I said laughing.
"It once bit my hand, because it wanted to play with me".
"Did it hurt you?".
"My hand was swollen all over the place!", she said and cracked up.
The truth is that no unexpected incident happened with the wolf. After the shooting was over and we decided that the movie was going to be released in 2025 while composing the album I was also writing folk style songs. I hadn't forgotten that I was a member of landscapemusic.org, so I wanted to contribute to this survey as more as I could. So, as long as there was much time now, I could get into this too. To start with, I have to mention that, even though my compositions are merely based on electronic sounds, the main instrument I choose when writing for Alexandria, is a piano. And I refer to the normal big piano of the house; neither a synthesiser nor a MIDI. This music was more atmospheric and more down-to-earth. I was trying to reflect the sounds of nature. That's why I would very often play YouTube videos of drives mainly through natural landscapes and I would turn down the volume. I had finally composed short songs, that sounded like a mix of Porcupine Tree, Hans Zimmer or classical music.
One evening, while being at home and composing, the bell suddenly rang. I remember myself wearing a purple robe, as I wasn't expecting anyone. When I opened the door, I saw a girl standing, with black frizzy hair, green eyes and a familiar childish smile. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hugged her and exclaimed: "Dina! What are you doing here?"
She laughed: "You didn't expect me here, did you?"
"But how? Am I dreaming? You should be in the States!"
"Well, I'm here. You are not dreaming. And I came back, planning to stay".
I looked at her frightened. "Please, don't tell me that something wrong has happened".
"Everything is fine", she reassured me. "But there's so much I have to tell you".
"Come in, then. What are you waiting for? Would you like some coffee?"
"Surely I do!", she exclaimed.
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