51. RETURN TO AUSTRALIA

 

During the following evening, I called mum and asked her to visit me, because I had to make a very important discussion. At the same time, I also informed my siblings about it, so they would also be at my place. Nobody had a clue about what I was going to say and they thought it was about dad's legacy. Ingmar suspected that something was happening, but as soon as he was trying to mention anything, I'd say: "Not a word! I'll talk, when the time comes".

When the time came, we all gathered at my place and I was shaking like a fish thrown out of water. Monica was the most terrified of us all as if she knew. I was looking at Monica again and again, wondering what was happening to her. She would rarely visit us, while when she did, she would constantly be in tears and now she had lost almost thirty kilos and had brown hair. And who was that? Monica, who has always been a redhead chubby girl. When she came home, just before the others had arrived, I hugged her and she started sobbing.

"Monica, what's wrong with you?", I asked.

"I've done everything wrong in my life", she said to me.

"What have you done wrong?"

"All choices I made were wrong".

I stayed in silence for a while and then told her: "You want a divorce, right?"

She shook her head. "Since I got married. I thought that children would save our relationship, but..."

"This is the biggest mistake that we, women, do", I replied. "We try to keep a relationship healthy, by having children, but then, things become even worse".

"I want to move back. Take my children and move back to Kirkenes. Now that mum is around. I want to be with my true family".

I felt a noose around my neck. Monica was saying all this, while a few minutes later I was going to announce to my family the fact that there was a possibility of me dying. "Oh, my sweet sister", I said and hugged her. Now I was going to be the one who would start crying.

After everybody was present at home, I decided I was going to talk to them without showing much emotion. "Well", I started. "I need to announce something to you. Nobody knows anything, except for my cousin, Vigge".

"Nor me?", Ingmar asked.

"Nor you".

"Are you pregnant?", asked Anna, whose mind was sharp as a tack, already in that age.

"Honey, had I been pregnant, I wouldn't have gathered you all up here, as if it were a council. Now enough with your questions and let me talk to the end".

Nobody said a word, so I could go on. "Well, I visited the doctor, because I was suffering from aches in my bones. I was checked twice so that we made sure there wasn't any mistake, but, unfortunately, the results were the same. What I was informed about, was that I have a tumour on my bones. In other words, I have bone cancer. But I don't want you to be frightened at all. I know that we went through a very difficult time with dad, therefore my therapy is taken care of. I'm not such a selfish person so that I let myself be taken away by this thing. I will overcome this. There is no chance that I don't".

I stopped talking for a while and silence was spread throughout the room. Ingmar opened his mouth about to say something, but I stopped him, saying: "Darling, I'm not done yet. I've got more to say".

"Thus, I spoke to Vigge, who is a surgeon and this is what he suggested. That I move to Australia so that he can check up on me and I start chemos there. I own a house in Sydney, so we could move in, there. Are you joining me?"

"Ingrid, of course, we are moving there, for as much as it is needed. Until you become totally healthy, we are staying in Australia. Anna will start Junior High School there".

"Anna, do you agree?", I asked.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you", she said and hugged me. She was about to start crying, but I comforted her and told her everything was going to be alright.

"Mum?", I said. "What are you going to do?"

"Errr...", she stuttered.

"Are you coming with us?"

"I....".

"I wouldn't like you to stay here alone and mourn for dad. I would really like to have you with us. The house is rather large".

"Ingrid! Of course, I want to be with my child, especially now".

"Monica", I said, "we are going to talk in person at some point".

I was scared, of course, I was, but I didn't want to show them. Now I had to be stronger than ever, just for my folks. If I showed any weakness, they could suspect that I wasn't going to overcome it. But I had learned I shouldn't ever put it off.

In late February 2027, I invited the band to my place, in order to announce to them that I was moving away for some time.

"I'm ill and it's very serious", I said. "I have to do therapy, that's why I'm moving to Australia".

"For how long?", Vivian asked.

"For as long as it is needed".

"Ingrid, would you like to tell us what is wrong with you? We are worrying", Bryan said.

"No", I replied. "I'm not planning to talk to anybody except for my family. I've got a very serious illness and I know that there is a possibility I don't even make it alive. But I'll never give for any reason. I'm going to Australia, because I know I'll be checked by my cousin, who is a surgeon".

"Are you having surgery?"

"At some point I am, but I don't know exactly when".

"Are you informing us about the date, please?"

"Of course, I am", I answered with a smile.

"Also", I added, "keep on with the tour, without me. I've said so many times that all members can be replaced. Find some temporary vocalist".

"Alright, and then?", Bryan asked. "What are we going to do all this time you are away?"

"Jesus Christ! What can I tell you now?", I said furiously. "Build Alexandria-themed crossword puzzles".

When I said that, we remained silent for a while. Then we all burst out laughing. Alexandria-themed crossword puzzles! How on earth could I come up with such bizarre ideas?

"Well...ok...crossword puzzles...how did you come up with this now?", Nancy asked, as if she read my mind.

"Oh, don't pay any attention to that. I'm currently going through a phase, where I'm not doing so many artistic things. For example, when my daughter is at the music school, I wait for her in the car and I spent all this time doing crossword puzzles while listening to Abba".

They were gazing at me as if I were coming from another planet. Yes, of course, it is impossible for Ingrid Sorensen to do crossword puzzles in the car, listening to Abba. She must do things of better quality. What does good quality really mean?

We set off to Australia on March 3, 2027. The four of us settled in the house in Annandale, because, as I said, my mum came along. Since I set my foot in Australia, I came down with terrible homesickness for Kirkenes. Of course, Australia was my favourite country after Norway and I decided to move in there without a second thought, but then again, I felt I had left my hometown behind. Fortunately, not so many chores needed to be done. The only thing we needed to do is clean up the whole house and put on some furniture. No wall painting or any renovation was needed. Even though the house was literally located in a city centre, there was a garden, so I could plant my trees and flowers.

Furthermore, due to the different season, schools in Australia were starting in March. So, Anna could start Junior High on time. We didn't need much time to adapt ourselves to the new place and moving went smoothly. Ingmar kept on composing new music and Anna gladly started her new school. I wasn't dealing with Art at all, because I didn't have much lust to. During that time, I used to live more like a housewife, rather than an artist.

At some point, I went to the supermarket. Then I heard a voice behind me: "Ingrid!" I turned back and saw a slim old lady, who looked familiar -- very familiar. "Yes?", I said, because I didn't know who she was.

"I don't think you remember me. I'm Clare, Josh's mum".

I looked at her and my jaw dropped. "How come are you here?", she asked.

"I moved here for some time. Until I get healthy".

"What do you have?", she asked me.

I hugged her. "I'm ill".

"What's wrong with you?"

"I've got cancer", I whispered.

Then she started crying. I was holding her and told her: "I'll become well, don't worry. I've given a promise".

"Oh, these are the same words that my son told me too".

"I know, but now there's a lot of progress in medical science. I've got a family as well and I can't leave them behind".

"You can visit me whenever you like, alright?"

"Alright", I replied.

I entered the supermarket almost in tears. Josh's mum was the last person I expected to meet. And fortunately, she didn't ask where exactly I was living, because it'd be too painful for her to know that I live in the house, which was left to me as a legacy from her son. I drove home, filled with bags of food and other stuff for Anna. Ingmar noticed I was sort of troubled and asked: "Is there anything wrong?"

"Do you mean that everything is alright?", I told him.

Then he hugged me and said: "Pet, we'll overcome this. We'll do this together. You're not alone in all that, ok?".

I shook my head. Yes, I knew I wasn't alone. And there was a solution to every problem. Ingmar had made me adopt this idea. No need to panic at all. Since one is not alone in their problems, one can overcome them. Everything is reversible and can be retrieved, except for death. And negative thinking never helps. The only thing they achieve is to worsen the situation because they don't let us think clearly. Therefore, no panic. This is the key.

Since we moved until May, I can't say I was doing many things really. Vigge had told me he was going to operate on me in May. At the same time, I had started doing chemos, but they were such, that I didn't lose my hair. I, nevertheless, stopped dyeing it during that time because it wasn't that healthy for my condition. I looked really funny because until then my hair was fully red and underneath the dye, you could clearly see blonde hair roots. But I can't say it looked that bad.

During that time, my mood was completely neutral. I wasn't depressed by the whole situation at all, but I wasn't very happy either. I just let things go by the way we had predicted them to, and I hoped that the operation would cure me. I wasn't thinking about the possibility that it might not work out or that I might die during the operation. As Ingmar and I would say, I had to get rid of panic. However, something happened in April and really made my day. I noticed that the others in the band had sent a crossword puzzle to my letterbox. It seemed to me so weird and I jokingly thought: Those idiots are playing games with me because I told them I like doing crossword puzzles in the car while listening to Abba. I noticed that the first page of the crossword puzzle was writing: TURN TO PAGE 7. And then I saw an Alexandria-themed crossword puzzle. I cracked up and thought: I can't believe this. I was only joking about it but they did it! But I found it very cute. So I was given a free crossword puzzle, which I could do while waiting for Anna in the music school.

That evening I called Bryan. After I told him I was going to have surgery in May, we talked a little bit about the band's future. I urged them to keep on touring without me and Nancy should replace me on the keys.

"And what about the vocals? We could, let's say, call your sister, but I don't know if she'll be able to do a whole tour".

"I know", I replied. "Let's talk a little bit later so that I come up with something".

I couldn't sleep at all that night. Ingmar noticed I was awake and said to me: "Everything will be alright. We've already told that. No panic".

"Yeah, yeah, I know", I replied. "I'm worried about something else".

"So to say?"

"The band has to find a temporary singer so that the others keep on touring. And we don't know what to do, really".

"Johanna. A very good choice", he said.

I went: "Oh, come on now. After such a big tour that we did with Uaithnia, how could my sister join our own tour now? Whatsoever...I feel a bit uncomfortable having my sister in our band".

"No, not your sister, Johanna".

"What?", I said.

"The other one", he exclaimed. "Your sister's friend. This composer who's doing electronic music and you also participated in her record".

But, of course! Why hadn't I thought about it earlier? This Johanna!

"She is our perfect solution! I'll call her immediately", I said and I was about to rise from bed.

"Ingrid! Not so late. It's almost midnight".

"Yes, of course", I said and got again in bed, where I had the heaviest and sweetest sleep ever.

The next morning, I called the band first and I asked them whether they wanted to do the tour with Johanna. In the beginning, there was the same misunderstanding, because they also thought I was referring to my sister. But when I explained it to them, they said that my idea was brilliant. Well, it wasn't mine in the first place, but Ingmar's. I called Johanna and told her I was ill and asked her if she could sing on our tour. Fortunately, she accepted the invitation, therefore I could also calm down, as I knew that my band at least was taken care of. I hoped that my life would also be taken care of.

In early May, I went to the hospital, so I could do the operation. Chemos didn't work for me, but I hoped that at least the operation would save the whole situation. Just before I went in, Vigge had a discussion with Ingmar and then with me. I don't know what he said to him, but Ingmar seemed really troubled and was constantly holding Anna in his arms. Then Vigge talked to me as well: "This operation is really hard. It will last many hours and you have to be prepared for everything".

"There's a possibility of me dying", I said.

He sighed: "Listen. There is this possibility, as far as all surgeries are concerned. But this particular is one of the most severe ones and...".

"I know. Don't tell me more. I'm prepared for this, but...I'm sure I can make it. I can't leave anyone behind like that".

Before I walked into the ICU, I asked Ingmar to inform the band about the operation, without telling them what I was suffering from. So I was to be operated, without really knowing what was lying ahead.