I went to my parents' house, supposedly to spend summer vacations with them. I didn't intend to tell them anything about what had happened back to Ireland. I had enough time during the whole summer to think about how my life would go on. Maybe I would decide to become an author and at the meantime find a job. I could also work as a DJ, playing trance music, so I would get the chance to release those trance beats I'd written, without being scared about how people would react, as long as I wouldn't have this burden called Alexandria anymore. I didn't really care to even be working in a garbage truck. I only wanted to live a normal life and not be just 21 and have achieved everything. I wished I could live in a simple way, just like every other girl in my age. What's the point of being on top and at the same time have fought with everybody? I truly wanted neither Alexandria nor Orchidea's Tales in my life. So I decided to leave, in the same way that I dropped out from University in Norway.
That summer, I phoned Johanna and told her:
"What about releasing a third album?"
"Well, of course!", she replied.
"Great! We have a lot of time, haven't we?".
"And when are you going back to Ireland to record your fifth album?"
I almost said to her: There won't be a fifth album, but I held myself back and instead I giggled and said: "Let's talk about something else".
"What's wrong again, Ingrid?", she asked.
"Leave it better. We are going to talk about it some other time".
Of course, Johanna couldn't even imagine the fact that I had left forever. So I prepared myself for a third Uaithnia album. However I didn't get the chance. The following morning, I received a phone call from my friends from Inari, who said: "Hey, Ingrid, are you in Norway?".
"Yeah", I replied. "I'm spending at least the whole summer here". I didn't dare telling them anything about what had happened in Ireland. Whatsoever there was no point in talking to everybody about my own problems.
"Would you like to come to Inari?", Tina asked (one of the girls). "We are here with the guys and we are also planning to set off on a journey around the villages. If you like, you can spend the whole summer with us. What do you think?"
"Alright", I answered. "I'll be there!". It was a good idea, so I could forget about my problems.
I instantly phoned Johanna and told her: "Plan change. I'm travelling to Finland for holiday, so it would be better if we started composing after September".
"Fine", she replied. "But would you like to talk to me about what happened in Ireland and that's why you don't even want to hear about your band?"
I sighed, but I eventually told her everything. I talked to her about my LSD consumption in the Netherlands, the supermarket bag with the porn stuff at home, Samantha's indifference, my constant fights with the band, what had happened with Orchidea's Tales, and the fact that I would get so pissed off, that my bursting out made me fight in a personal level with my neighbours and the village. I told her that since Josh died I feel alone and nobody can support me. I had always been far from my parents and friends, but at least now I would be able to return to my old lifestyle. I didn't dare telling them, though, that Lydia's behaviour towards me was really weird, because I couldn't even believe it myself. However, I said that Marko and I came closer during the tour, that Dina had always been close to me, I also talked to Johanna about that story with the museum and that this was something that after so many years made me laugh heartily.
"You like Marko, don't you?", Johanna asked.
"What?", I exclaimed. "Are you totally crazy? He's with Dina! And they are happy with each other".
"And if he wasn't, would you wish that something between you and him would happen?"
I remained speechless for a while, so she added:
"Come on, now, You're talking to your sister. It's not wrong to have a thing for him".
"No", I replied. "I don't. I can't have a thing for someone, whom I've grown up with. Marko and I are like siblings".
Of course, there was a small flame inside me. Marko was a brilliant musician and we used to play music at school together constantly. When we were in High School, I was deeply in love with him for three whole years (even though I was already in a relationship with Josh) and I stopped having feelings for him, when I went to University, because I had another lifestyle and the most important was that we had both changed as a person. However, now that he was with Dina, even though I can say I didn't feel any jealous of them, I would always feel a small bitterness and of course, I didn't allow myself to dare feeling anything at all about him, because this was something that nor Dina's worst enemy could do to her. But the truth was that I had weird feelings about Marko.
In the end, Johanna replied to me: "Just follow your heart".
So, the next morning I woke up very early and packed up my things, in order to go to Inari. When I reached there, the guys were waiting for me at the bus station. We got ready for our journey at the villages through Lapland's forests. We were sleeping in tents, swimming in lakes, picknicking and in general anything that a hiker can do in Finland's forests during the summer. During the whole journey, I was playing sitting duck and didn't dare saying a single word about the incidents, that made me leave anything behind. So, everytime that the girls were asking me about the band, I was giving short answers and I avoided to continue the conversation. Fortunately they didn't suspect that anything has happened between us or at least they pretended not to.
While we were having a good time in our holiday, without having any discussions about my band (because, as I mentioned, I concealed everything), one morning Dina was keeping on callng me. In the beginning, I wouldn't answer. However in the end, Tina said: "Pick up your phone. Someone might be worrying about you".
In the end, I picked up and she said: "Where the hell are you?".
"I'm on holiday in Lapland", I replied.
"Ingrid, are you serious? Did you just pack your things and left?".
"Dina, I've already taken my own decisions. Ireland is done for me. I intend to start a new life".
"Ingrid, please think about it again. Alexandria can't die in this ungraceful way. Remember what we've gone through together and...."
"Remember what?", I shouted. "About the fact that we were fighting all day long and Samantha was trimming her nails, instead of interfering?"
"We have a bad manager, indeed. But you can't leave us. How is this going to end in such an inglorious way?"
"Why? Can't you just go on without me? You have Lydia. What am I doing? I'm nothing but a slave and I just have to play my own instrument".
"So is that it?", she said. "Is everything over? Don't you have any other story to tell to people?"
The latter brought to my mind all these beautiful moments in Ireland, when I was writing all these stories from the depths of my heart.
"You've got much to give, Ingrid. You've got to give your stories to the world and talk to people about everything that is going on inside you. The band is not Lydia, nor me, nor anybody else than you. You are the band and only you".
Silence was long and I suddenly felt I was going to burst into tears. I finally said: "Dina, I would like to talk about it again in the end of the summer. Then I will have taken my final decision".
After picking down the phone, the girls observed that my eyes were wet and that I was truly about to cry. "What's wrong again?", Tina answered.
"Nothing important", I said sniffing. "I just got too emotional". And, of course, this was no lie.
So we went on with our adventures, which we wrote down in a notebook, as if it were a journal and we called them Tina and Ingrid with their girls and other adventures. I burst into a loud laughter when one of my friends, Aira, said: "This sounds like a porn film title!". So nobody bothered me for the rest of the summer and I spent the most beautiful vacations of my life, without thinking about Ireland at all.
We travelled around Lapland on foot within two months and every time we reached some village (after about 100 kilometres!), we were dining in local taverns and we were drinking beers. Then it was the first time that I opened my heart to the girls and told them anything I felt during all these years. I talked to them about what made me write during these previous two years and how much I had missed my old happy days. I talked to them about anything that I had never gotten the chance to tell to the band. Again the only thing I didn't say was all that was happening with Lydia.
So, without realising it, summer was over and along with the girls we started returning to Inari. They would take me to the bus station and from that place I would go back to Kirkenes. I thanked my friends for all the support they gave me during these two months. So, when I got back home and met with my sister, what she told me was: "Well, stop that gag and return to your band".
So, I went back to Norway and a few days later I phoned my band: "Well, I've taken on some decisions", I started. "Two months after being away, I realised that I couldn't just leave and fuck off the band in such an unglorious way. We have a future".
"Fortunately, you have your mind back in your head", they said.
"Don't be in a hurry", I replied. "This band is going on....under a term".
"Which is...?"
"Which is that we fire our managers and we keep going by ourselves".
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