17.RETURNING HOME

It's part of human nature to have the tendency to get used to a specific lifestyle. We have specific interests and preferences and the way we develop ourselves is highly based on them. What is going to happen, then, if our routine changes? (I have never wanted to follow a routine. Indeed, I have always wished for the contrary. I always wanted to distinguish myself from others and do extraordinary things, because this way only I could feel important. However, a routine is a completely different thing than stability and balance). We might start to think that we are too unstable and that we miss our old happy life. For my part, I started school again, in the hope that I would find back my old self - I would find this innocent and adventurous girl that was inside me until six months before. However, since the first week, I would notice several flaws that school had and indeed I used to talk to my classmates about these: the professors are too incomprehensible, books are imperfect etc. During the second week, I started finding justifications like: I'm too tired, I'm bored, I want to play music etc.

I spent the weekend, two weeks after I had started University again, with my Finnish friends and we went trekking and camping in Inari, Finland, in a place, close to the borders with Norway.

"So, you have decided to move on with your studies, right?", they asked.

"Yeah, and I feel rather satisfied with my decision", I lied.

"And what about your bands?"

"Oh, I keep on being involved with these too".

Then, they laughed and said: "Hey, you can't do that. You can't keep up with both. You have to choose: studies or band?"

Going back to Tromsø, I felt really confused. I didn't know what I finally wanted. Right, I loved Geology. But did I eventually want to become a geologist or do something else in my life? For almost thirteen years, I had a dream of becoming a geologist. But now I was facing such a crucial dilemma. On Thursday morning I went to school looking really frowned. I sat at the back, playing with my hair. I couldn't even keep track of the lecture. I was thinking of grandpa Lauri's last words: that I should do what I love and not compromise with all I must do. I smiled slyly and looked at the professor. He was talking about the problems that we will come up with, if we water the flower leaves in the morning. What the hell?? Did he really need to say that? Most of us have grown up in rural places. Then I thought: How possible can that be? I wanted to study Geology. Instead of talking to us about carbon 13 and magmas, is he just teaching us about the correct way of watering the flowers?

Well, that was it! You see, enough is enough. I silently picked up my whole stuff and before I got the chance to leave, Frida, the girl at the front whispered to me:

"Are you leaving?"

"I got too tired", I replied. "Good luck with your graduation".

                                              *******************************

At some point in the noon, I was busy at home. I gazed at the sea from the window's view and I was almost in tears. I'll miss it, I thought. I would always leave the keys on the keyhole, in case someone wanted to visit. As I had grown up in a village, I wasn't scared at the thought that someone would get in. Whatsoever, nobody had ever broken into my house in that city. So, at first the landlady came in and I handed her the money and signed a contract to leave.

"In an hour, I'll have been out", I said.

While packing up my things and getting my luggage ready, I heard the door opening and someone walking in the corridor. Then, I heard Johanna's voice:

"Blast, Ingrid! Those keys on the keyhole. One day the police will find you murdered...". She stopped, when she saw me packing up.

"Where are you going?", she asked sharply.

"I'm leaving!", I replied.

"What???"

"I'M LEA-VING!"

"Where for?"

"Back home. To Kirkenes!"

"Why?"

"Because I had enough, Johanna. I wanted to be an earthquake scientist, not a gardener".

"Wait, wait, wait. Can we discuss it for a minute, so we can..."

"Johanna, there isn't anything to discuss about", I yelled. "I've got a career to do. I want to make a new record".

"Aha!", she said, pretending that she understands me. "Well, it's your own decision".

I showed her the door. "We have to get out. I told the landlady that I will have been ready until 2 o'clock".

"Oooh, you even signed to leave".

"Of course. What else have you thought?" I looked at her fiercely and then rushed out: "Johanna, do you think I'm joking?"

"No, no, I just..."

"Johanna, I'm leaving. And I'm never going back. And if mum and dad don't accept me back home, I'll find a job and get my own house".

She smiled and hugged me.

"Congratulations!"

"W-what do you mean?", I said.

"I mean that for the first time in your life you put your feet on the ground". She caressed me. "Come on, let's go".

I was carrying my luggage and my two synthesizers and that was extremely tiring.

"In any case, I could also drive you in Ki..."

"I'll face mum and dad all by myself", I interrupted her.

At 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I was already walking in the provincial road, that was leading from Inari to Murmansk. Carrying my luggage and my synthesizers, there in Elvenes lake, I turned right towards Bjørnevatn and followed the gravel road. I reached our beloved house. Then, I saw mum pruning the trees in the garden. When she lifted her eyes and saw me, she was astonished:

"Ingrid! What are you doing here?"

"Is dad indoors?"

"Yes, he's fixing our table".

"Fine", I said. "We have to talk".

After leaving all my stuff, the three of us went into the living room.

"Well", I said nervously. "I need you to be patient and unshaken with what I'm going to tell you and even support me".

"What is it? Are you pregnant?", my mum screamed.

"Alas, mum. Can you be serious for a moment?"

"Then, what?"

I sighed. "I gave up my studies".

My parents' face lit up, like the morning sun. My dad said something like at last, she has her mind on her head and my mum hugged me and said:

"Darling, at last!"

I pulled myself away in a sudden. "Hey, I suppose that these news were so shoking, that both of you went crazy, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I told you that I gave up my studies and did you just congratulate me for my decision, instead of smacking my face?".

Then, my father laughed and said: "You forget, though, that you talk with two actors, who faced the same kind of problems". Of course, there was a big trouble with my grandparents.

"And grandma Kristi wasn't either satisfied with my decision to leave biology for acting. It was only my dad the one who always supported me", my mum said. "We totally understand".

Then, I bowed my head, feeling totally ashamed.

"Can you.....host me?".

"Sweetie, what are you talking about?", Mum said. "Host you in your own house?". They led me outdoors.

"Can you see this little house opposite to ours?", Mum said.

"Hmmm, yes?", I replied, without understanding.

"Well, as we know how deeply you love this place, this house has always been destined to become yours. We will renovate it and buy some furniture for you, so you can live there. Alright?"

I hugged them. "You're the best parents in the whole world! I love both of you. And you don't even need to pay anything for this house. I can do this too, when I have enough money from the band".

"Both bands", they corrected me.

"Eh, alright. The other band isn't destined to become big. Johanna and I have only a good time".

However, the issue was that no matter how much I wanted to go ahead with composing the third album, I wasn't that enthusiastic anymore. I felt that the only reason why I wanted to write, wasn't because I wanted to give a message to people, like the previous years, but because I needed to express my pain. I wanted to write about the sea, because as I have always said, it is my eternal home (Because I was born in the sea, as my mum has always believed that a baby has to be born to its natural environment. That's why, when I die, I want to return to the same place, where I was born). And of course I wanted to say how I felt towards grandpa Lauri. During this time, Dina used to visit me and be constantly close to me. She would usually visit me along with Lulu. However, there was a point when she told me:

"Has Lydia visited you at all?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "We're not such close friends as I am with you".

"Sounds strange", Dina said laughing.

However, this was something that I had often thought about. In general, Lydia used to keep her distances from all of us. The only thing I could imagine was that she was just extremely shy -even more shy than I was- and by no means toffee-nosed. However why hadn't she appeared since grandpa's death after all? At last, was she that shy?

While Dina and I kept on talking, she paradoxically told me that at last I had to leave school.

"Well, it's kind of a joke because you were the one who persuaded me not to give up", I said.

"But I soon realised that music and stories satisfy you more. Thus, you'd better put all your strength into that".

"You think so?"

"Of course! This is what you can do perfectly. That's why you should do the best you can!"

So, I decided to follow our singer's opinion and go on with my life as a musician and an author.

A few days later, entering home, I found Kati discussing with mum. She obviously was informed about my homecoming and found out I was looking for a job.

"Can I talk to you in person?", she told me.

So, Mum walked out of the kitchen and I closed the door. Kati tried to talk to me, but she stopped and started shaking. "It's just the two of us here", I reassured her. "Why are you shaking?".

"Don't worry", she replied. "I'm only afraid of your reaction".

"Is there something wrong?", I asked.

"No, no. I just wanted to make a suggestion".

"Tell me".

"Well", Kati started, "you know that one of your two female vocalists, Lydia, is my piano student. Right?"

"Yep", I replied. "What's wrong with her?"

"Oh nothing. I just wanted to suggest that I hand her over to you. I already have several students of my own, so you could better teach her, as you are also....friends".

"Alright", I replied. "There's no problem. Only you should know that I can't take money from her. Lessons will be offered for free".

"Yes, I thought so. But it doesn't matter -or it does? I believe that it's a quite good experience for you, so that you can learn how to teach, right?"

"Yeah, sure".

"So, it's a deal?", she asked.

"Yep".

Then, she walked out and her face was white as a sheet. But what the hell was going on with Kati and Lydia? Maybe both of them were hiding something from me.